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Marriage Quotes

Sacha Guitry

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her

Hemant Joshi

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together


By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.


Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them

Sigmund Freud

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?

Henny Youngman

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”

Sam Kinison

“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” -James Holt McGavran

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.” -Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you’re right, shut up. -Nash


The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. -Henny Youngman

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

Milton Berle

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. -Anonymous

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.” -Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”