Top 100 Simpsons Quotes!

  1. Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”
  2. Troy McClure: Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!
  3. Lionel Hutz: Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.”
  4. Homer: You don’t win friends with salad.
  5. Mr. Burns: What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man? Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand? Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)
  6. Marge, don’t discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals … except the weasel
  7. Hello? Operator! Give me the number for 911!
  8. ...sure, IN theeoory, in theory communism works...
  9. Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
    Lisa: No.
    Homer: Ham?
    Lisa: No.
    Homer: Pork chops?
    Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
    Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
  10. Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun.
  11. I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
  12. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
  13. Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
  14. I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
  15. Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
  16. That's where I saw the Leprchaun. He tells me to burn things!
  17. "I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!"
  18. "America's health care system is second only to Japan... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, ... well all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!"
  19. "Don't you ever, EVER talk that way about television."
  20. "English - Who needs that? I'm never going to England!"
  21. "It's just hard not to listen to TV: it's spent so much more time raising us than you have."